Feeling Not Quite Up To Par!

So I have been sick for the last week and my house shows it! The dishes havn't been done, laundry has gotten as far as sorting, and we went on a trip last week to Junction for a funeral and the stuff still isn't put away! I am stressed about money(but who isn't), and today it all just came to a head! Part of it is that I didn't get much sleep last night cause Tom and Jaycee were both sick, and then I didn't think it was a good idea to take Jaycee to church today because she wasn't feeling well and it was cold and the wind was terrible and it was raining, and I am having a hard time sleeping tonight, and I am stressed that my house looks like it does and I was just feeling sorry for myself...still am if you want to know the truth, but I am doing better! My cousin helped me feel like I am a good person and I do try to look out for others. This is stuff I needed to hear tonight. Not to toot my own horn, but so that I felt a little human again, instead of a lump. I have set a goal to read the Book of Mormon in 90 days! There is a great website called readthescriptures.com that is helping me with my goal. Today I was doing extra reading cause I couldn't go to church and I was a little bit behind! I sure love the scripture and I love how at different times in your life they can say different things to you! I am so grateful for what they said to me today! It gave me strength and courage to go on, realizing that if I keep trying, the Lord will reward me in the end, which reward is greater than any monitary thing I could have right now! I still was having a hard time pulling myself out of my slump though and I was reading people's blogs, which isn't always condusive to feeling better about yourself because it always seems that everyone is doing so well and that they have nothing but a blissful life! I was reading what my friend Jayna wrote,(who I have not seen for FAR TOO LONG!) and it helped me to remember that everyone is human! Then I just couldn't let my dishes go any longer and at 1am I started doing them! It was nice and almost therapeutic to do them alone! Not saying I love doing dishes but I needed some me time! There is a sign over my sink that is a picture of Christ and says, "I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it!" I gained a whole new appreciation for this tonight! Somebody in my Relief Society class said once that that saying was false because the Gospel makes things easy, and I have always felt kinda bad cause I thought I was not a good member of the church because things were still hard even though I was living the gospel! This added to my depressed state because I really do want to take upon myself the name of Christ and be a good member of the church and daughter of God! Tonight I realized though, that maybe that is how it is for that person, that is not how my life was laid out! The Gospel of Jesus Christ can make things more bearable, there is no doubt about that! I am hear to tell you though that I have been diligent about reading my scriptures and better about saying my prayers and more faithful about going to church, even if I have to go alone cause poor Tom has to work, and faithful about paying a full tithe and things are still not easy! I don't say any of that to make you think I think I am better than anyone, I am just telling people that I am feeling pretty good about the things I am doing to become closer to my Savior and life is still hard! But I cannot deny that I am happy! I have been born of goodly parents and my relationship with my family is as good as ever! I have come to realize how much my parents sacrificed for me so that I coul have thing and be taught correct principles. Even if it was just fighting us to get up for scripture study, or making sure that we knew what Christmas was really all about! The little things! I have the best inlaws and we get along so well! I am married to the most amazing man I know and on top of that am still madly in love with him after almost 4 years of marriage! In this day and age that is saying something!! I plan on being even more madly in love as the years go by for the rest of my life and throughout eternity! I have the blessing of the sealing power in my home and a worthy priesthood holder at my side as my constant companion and best friend! My heart has been completely stolen by a little 8 1/2 month old who is asleep in her room right now that I just want to go hold and hug and kiss and tell her how much I love her. It's funny cause earlier I was frustrated that she was being a huge Mama's girl, and now I would give anything to just cuddle her!! Why do I have to get so frustrated about those things and why don't I take advantage of them! She is a pretty independent little thing and the cuddle time I have is limited! I have AMAZING friends, some who I talk to every day, and some who I wish I kept in better contact with who are all very dear to my heart! I know this life, even though not easy is so worth it! All the joy I feel is what keeps me going! I may have my down days, but I know that I will have those times that bring me up again! I knew this would make me feel better! This hymn has just come to mind!
Count Your Blessings
"When upon life's billows you are tempest-tossed,
When you are discourage, thinking all is lost,
Count you many blessing; name them one by one.
And it will surprise you what the Lord has done."
This song embodies this post and what I was feeling at the beginning of typing to what I am feeling now!