Patience!

I have been thinking a lot about that word lately and what it means, not only in general, but to me in my life specifically! I definitely know that it is one thing that I don't have very much of and the Lord has been trying to teach me my whole life! Many times when I have had blessings they have told me to be patient! What I want and desire will eventually happen, but I need to learn patience! I have a lot going on in my life right now that I should be worried about, but I am not! I just have this simple faith and peace and reassurance that everything will work out and it will be great! I feel truly blessed! Although I can't see what's going to happen, I know something is going to happen that will be good for me and my family! It seems, however, that if I am a little unsure about something, or if I am wanting, desiring, or craving something so bad my heart hurts, it doesn't come quite as quickly as I thought it would. It is these times when I am making the most important decisions in my life that I get impatient! I think the Lord is asking me to just rely on Him! Submit my will to His. I don't know why I can't learn to do that, because I know that the results will be great, but it's so hard for me! Every time that I am patient, the Lord always comes through for me! I don't want to just force myself though, I want to be cheerfully patient! I have to keep reminding myself that I have already had multiple reassurances that I am blessed, and the Lord will continue to bless me, and the things I am praying for will happen, just not yet! I have to keep reminding myself multiple times a day that He knows all! He will not let anything happen in my life that I can't handle, but I need to let Him take the reins! In order for me to be truly happy, I need to do it His way! Sometimes I have a hard time understanding that if it is such a righteous desire, why is it so hard to make it come to pass. I have to tell myself that just because it's not happening, doesn't mean I am doing something wrong, or that the Lord is upset with me, or that it is not a righteous desire! I have felt His love so strong for me, especially lately, and I know that these feelings and impressions I am having are real and coming from Him. I just need to do it on His time and I will be more happy and full of joy than I can even imagine at this point in my life! I know I would not enjoy the bliss without the trial first! This is a shortcoming I have that I hope my husband, family, friends, and more importantly the Lord knows I am constantly battling with, but I am trying to overcome! I found a scripture tonight in Mosiah 24:15 that has really touched my heart. It says, "...the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord."

I know this is long and I am sorry, but I mostly wrote it for myself! As kind of a journal, if you will! I need to be able to come back and remember what I am feeling right now when I am having another time because it is bound to happen, but I am really trying!